Emo, down, sad, blah blah life sucks.

This just have to have been a pretty unlucky and bad year...
So much troubles, lack of trust and crap.
How i wish i could just turn back the clock to 7/26/10,
And just hold everything in and wait..
Maybe if i wasn't in such a rush to get my life back, these things won't have happened.
Yea i made a great friend, and yea it all ended just after a month.
But how i wish it was more and longer, then maybe things won't have turned out this way.
Trust just doesn't work that way i guess, no matter what i say no one will believe me..
How i wish i can just turn back the clock a week and change what happened then.
Once fail and you will always fail...

Ame.. yea right, this can only be a dream and no more. I just don't feel that longing for her anymore. Maybe abit... but thats all. When other people ask " Do you still like ame?" My ans will always be "maybe" maybe i should say no now...

Brenda.. no matter how much i wish.. it can never never never ever happen. Even if i want it soooo bad that i just want to die on the ground one fine day.. and locked in me where just all the memories we had. Sometimes i will just stare at the sky all day and just want to cry. When i was asked " How about brenda, do you still like her" the ans was always "yes... but how i wish i could" i guess i should say no now.. with the words " trust can never be regained, so its over."

I just wish to die..right now and leave everything i have be.
People smoke, take drugs and such to escape from reality, i would never give into that.
But instead.. i just want to end it all in 1 go.
I am not strong, i just relie on others to be strong.. without them.. i just crumble

Once again.. i am single.

Name: Lusicous ( Brenda Jae )
Duration: 1month
It was a short one month, but i had fun.. lots of fun. My only pity in this relationship was that all i ever fed you where missing info. And in the end, everything came crashing down. I will miss all the chocolate bathes, sunsets and bed moments. Once again, i am sorry for all that i have done. I wish we could redo this relationship, but by then it was already too late. You have a tight school life ahead. So time meeting will be scares. You maybe a whore and may have done drugs, but i knew i could change it. The happiest moment i had in this was when you told me you will quit drugs for me. I will forever cherish this short memories i have of you.
Sorry, bunny...

On the day i asked you if you like me and i asked you out, i was worried about what others think of me. Now i just want you but its already been too late.
I am still gonna make the blog, maybe holding on to it as the last key memory of our relationship.

You never miss anything till you lose it.
This time.. i am all alone, i wonder if i can ever stand up again..

1st Relationship

Name: Akurui Ame ( Samantha )

Duration: 87 Days

Comment: My first relationship and what a let down have i been... but i really really did love her so much.. i was heartbroken beyond belief, but i think i broke her heart even more then my own... She was so cute and i just loved her soo much... but i guess things had to come to and end... all i can say is... i am sorry.

My first relationship and it ended like that..

i am so pathetic

WTF, whats a FAMILY to YOU

meh rare post in all my dead blogs...
but idk.. i just can't bring this to rest in my heart...
something is sooo wrong here...
why is mum so pissed with xiulin's father =/
she wont even tell me and made me totally avoid his eye contact at all during dinner..
and i was asking her how to address him too =/
WTF MAN, how she expect me to live with that ackwardness...
WHY CANT FAMILY MEMBERS EVEN FUCKING GET ALONG....
HELLO, ITS YOUR FAMILY ! THIS IS JUST SO FREAKING PISSING ME OFF....
need to ask dad about what happened -_-
everyones a fucking twit..
and now i am ruining my mood chatting with samantha tooo.....
ARGHHHHHH -_-
life sucks.. FUCK life.....

My wish~

I told myself not to post here to often but~
But i guess i will pour my heart and soul out this once
Here goes~
I never did say the words " i love you " on this trip despite my plans~
I guess i can't really bring myself to say it,
I dont want you to stay away from me~
I guess i just can't take the risk of it all...
Despite the time of me ever seeing you will be nearly zero now....
So with all my hear and soul... here is my wish~
I wish that all the extra points that i have can be given or used as luck to let yulin get into the course she wants...
I don't care no matter how long i get... as long as i get to see her happy and joyful that she can get into the course she wants on monday~
All i want is enough points to enter into poly through DPA...
Thats all~
I rather she be happy then me....
I guess thats how really important she is to me...
And maybe with all this~ i can really see her happy....

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Btw the i finally have proof,
About who the hacker was XD
But i dun really care anymore,
I already got the account back anyways.
Actually i knew who it was since the first convo >___>
I just kept quite to get more info.
Hahahahas
Oh yah i really do have alot of contacts,
But not in that account X3
* Does not want to count it due to the amount >___>
Ish to many *
Okay now no more talking about that XD
I am not really affected by it much anyways X3

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Deleted but repost in private Blog

Bored so was thinking,
And alot of words came out of my head.
Will type it down ba.
I dun mean to offend anyone with this,
So if it does sorry ><
Pei me think its true anot ba,
Dun understand nevermind.
Skip this post!
I just wrote about what i thinking on impulse

Friendship is Beautiful,
But its brittle as glass,
One scratch,
And it will never be the same again.

Everyone day by day is changing
Everyone moves on and on
Everyone change from good or bad
You can go farther on and on
But i will always be waiting
Get your mind cleared up
And for me to catch up as well.

When the smoke rolls in
Move ahead as far as possible
I will catch up
But when the smoke clears
Will it be the same again?

I will be waiting every day and night,
Until this thing is cleared.
And the clouds in my mind have finally drifted away.
But will it be the same again?
I hope so =]
Hope is the only thing I can keep right now.
Wait Wait Wait...
I am talking alot of crap right now,
Thought to much again ><
Dun ask me,
What i typed..
I have no idea =/
Words just came out of my head,
And i just keep typing on and on =P

Dun get what i am talking nevermind,
I also dun know =P
I am acting weird again...
I going back recap liao =]
One thing is for sure,
EMO~ing won't solve anything =D
Geez,
What am i typing =S
Nevermind i will be back to normal tomorrow,
Still Tired after taking short nap just now =D
The stress is still there,
But a good night sleep will surely help.
I have been sleeping at 12am the past few days =/
Weeeee XD
Can sleep early today =]